On Girls: The Reserve, The Preserved, or the Conserved

I posted an article about boys which classified them into Mr. Right, Mr. Right Now or Mr. Right-For-You a few months ago. You can read it here.

Now, it’s time for us, girls. You can be either one of these three. Be very careful to pick which one you prefer to be. This is the hard truth. If you’re ready, read on.

1. “The Reserve”

Of the species of girls, I feel the worse for the Reserves. We have a lot of names for girls like this. They’re also known as “The Mean-Time Girl,” “The Back Pocket Girl”, or “The-Best-Gal-Friend-Whom-I-Know-Loves-Me-So-Much-So-She-Won’t-Ever-Leave.”

Reserves are girls who can be secretly in love with their guy friends. Sometimes, it’s too much of a secret that even they themselves don’t know. Whether the guy knows or not, that’s another story. However, regardless of who knows or cares to know, reserves always lose in the end.

Here’s a quick checklist to find out if you’re a reserve:

  • I have a guy “bestfriend.”
  • He has/had girlfriend/s.
  • He calls me when he needs someone to talk to.
  • I’m always there.
  • I catch him flirting with me sometimes, but I shake it off.
  • We have a pact that we’ll get married when we’re both single by the time we turn 40.
  • His girlfriend/s hate me and “I don’t know why.”
  • I finish his sentences. He finishes my food.
  • I do things for him that I don’t do for any other guy friend I have.
  • I know that I like him/I just realized that I like him because of this stupid checklist.

If you answered 6 or more of those with a yes, then I’m sorry, girl. You are a reserve.

Now, the next question is whether you like it that way. Don’t tell me that you don’t have a choice. You very well do. If you’re not convinced, read this. A reserve’s life is hard and painful. You have to like it if you decide to stay. I do have a few warnings for you.

  1. As a reserve, there’s a good chance that you’ll never come into play. Yep. Stuff get forgotten when they’re in the back pocket. If you’re that into risks, go ahead.
  2. As a reserve, you have no right to be mad, sad, hurt, or happy. Since you have fully accepted your fate, you also have to accept this consequence. You can’t hate every girl that your guy friend introduces to you. You can’t go all emo when you see him with someone. You also CANNOT be happy when he gives you a minute morsel of attention. You are not entitled to anything. If you’re that much of a martyr, go ahead.
  3. As a reserve, you are seriously limiting the possibility of getting Mr. Right-For-You. Since you’re too engrossed with that cute guy who’s on-and-off-again interested in you, you will never notice the guy who is equally drawn to you. You will either turn him off, turn him away, or just plain hurt him. If you’re that much of a sadist, go ahead.

2. “The Preserved”

Not all girls are meant to have romantic ties, get married, and raise a family. That’s just how it is.

There is nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, wrong with girls who don’t have a boyfriend. I’m sorry to burst your bubble, boys, but not all girls make it their life’s mission to go after guys. We are just fine without  a testosterone filled person to lean to. We have our own testosterone. To think that girls like this aren’t beautiful enough, or did something wrong to not deserve a partner is absurd.

I have two awesome aunts who didn’t get married. One of them never had a boyfriend, the other had… well… a number of romantic relationships. They stayed single by circumstance and by choice, but that doesn’t make them incomplete. They are still, by far, two of the best people I know.

You may be preserved for good or preserved for the meantime. Either way, you are perfect as you are. However, there are times when loneliness and doubt will creep under the covers and stay there. Here’s some advice for all Preserved girls out there:

  1. If you are Preserved, don’t feel unpretty or insecure. You are beautiful and interesting as you are. It’s not going to be an easy road for you, people will ask stupid questions like, “Has anyone EVER courted you?” or “Are you gay?!” and judge you even before you respond. But, hey! People in relationships get judged too. Just shake it off. Their opinions don’t matter.
  2. If you are Preserved, don’t feel like love is out of the question for you. There are  many, many, kinds of love. Romantic love is just one of them. Brotherly love, or a love between best friends, can be nobler than the hormone-driven attraction that happens between lovers. Look around, there are people who love you for who you are. Focus on them. Take time to feel how much they love you. You’ll be surprised. You’ll have all the love you need and more.
  3. If you are Preserved, enjoy the freedom and make the most out of it. Now that I have a boyfriend, I realize how much time working on a relationship takes up. Single ladies don’t have a problem with that. You have more time in your hands to do worthwhile things. It’s no wonder that some of the most successful ladies are single. Don’t waste your time going after boys who don’t deserve it. Be someone. Be known for who you are, not for the possible last name that you can attach to your current one.

3. “The Conserved”

Merriam-Webster defines this word as:

: to keep in a safe or sound state ; especially: to avoid wasteful or destructive use of
: to preserve with sugar
: to maintain (a quantity) constant during a process of chemical, physical, or evolutionary change
Conserved girls are kept in a sound state by a partner who values them greatly. They are preserved with “sugar” sweetness by love and stay the same amidst changes all around.
Girls, never settle for anything less. If you are called to have a partner in life, make sure that you are conserved. Try your best to be deserving of this special care and attention. How can we do that?

  1. Be as indispensable as inheritance or natural resources. If you are as common and disposable as tissue paper, boys will stray. Now, it will mostly be their fault as they are unable to keep their promise, but don’t tell me that you didn’t have a part in that. Don’t just lay there and hang out without doing good for anyone. Being all that you can be isn’t something exclusive to single ladies. Remember the Proverbs 31 wife? That’s our goal.
  2. Be open to a little sugar. I had to laugh a little as I typed that. I’m not as sweet as I could and, probably, should be. Just ask my boyfriend. He’s usually the one who reaches out more. I cringe every time I catch myself blushing or having a kilig moment with him, but with every day, I’m learning that a little sweetness doesn’t hurt. It keeps us, women, in our beautiful state even after a long time. People keep telling me how beautiful I’ve grown and it’s the first time that I’ll admit that it’s because love does things to people. *cringe*
  3. Be as calm and constant as you can.Women are known for our mood swings and temper tantrums. Boys will never fully grasp how these are so natural for us. Yes. We are so in touch with our emotions that our moods change in real time. However, natural or normal isn’t enough. Try your best to be the master of your emotions. Eve was made as a helpmeet for Adam. What help can your Adam expect from a tantrum-throwing Eve? If your Adam spends all his time appeasing your anger, the Garden will die. You are supposed to help him in fulfilling God’s charge for him. That grander goal should go before any self-fulfilling wants.

Which one of these three types do you belong to? Are you happy in your current situation or do you want to be better? It’s up to you.

Refuse to be a Reserve.

Enjoy being Preserved.

Deserve to be Conserved.

And that’s my two cents on that.


Published by lyqamaravilla

I'm a resource speaker, film fan, teacher, and writer from the Philippines. My friends call me either Lyqa, Angel, or Anne. Since I don't really talk much about my personal stuff in the real world, I use the net to express myself. To state it simply, what I can't say, I blog.

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